of the opposite sex..

DON'TS

Tip #1.
no secrets! yep. all parties should know each other & know about the friendship. if anything should change in the friendship, ur partner needs to know. sebokk je la nak tau.
Tip #2.
time spent with the friend should NEVERR supersede time spent with your partner, unless there is a dire emergency. sukehatilahh!
Tip #3.
never make an agreement that cant be changed. the agreement should always be negotiable, so that if the friendship isn't working for your partner, it can always be modified or canceled. heh?
Tip #4.
never make your partner feel that he/she isn't the most important relationship to you. this is basically uncharted territory, so be aware and sensitive of your partner's feelings. ngade!
Tip #5.
never put your friend's needs first. ISH! BIARLAHH! by keeping your partner as your no. 1 priority, the mystery surrounding the friendship diminishes, and your partner will more likely view the friend as a real person and not just a fantasy.

DO'S

Tip #6.
to ensure comfort and trust, there needs to be a high level of maturity and self-esteem with all involved. evaluate this with your partner and really talk about everyone's concerns and fears. byk songeh!
Tip #7.
ground rules need to be established from the beginning, i.e., what's okay and what's not for all the people involved. for instance, is it okay for the friends to get together when the partner is out of town? of course its okayy! haha how much time is spent with the friend on a monthly basis? what do the friends do together? is dancing okay? yes! is dinner okay? absolutely! each couple will have their own individual concerns and questions to consider.
Tip #8.
everyone needs to be in agreement that its okay for the friendship to take place. no one should be left out of the process. ish. nyemak. :D
Tip #9.
the person having the friendship needs to have strong, clear personal boundaries and open communication with their partner and their friend. they need to be up front at all times with their partner, letting him/her know when they're seeing their friend. sume benda nk kne bgtau ka?
Tip #10.
if the partner ever feels uncomfortable with the arrangement, he/she can speak up at any time. their feelings and concerns need to be considered and taken seriously.

in theory, most couples want their partners to be happy and to have friends of the opposite sex. in reality, this can only happen by following ground rules. the main issues surrounding these friendships are usually jealousy and physical intimacy. if you can talk about your friend freely and make him/her a real person to your partner, there is less likelihood of these types of problems occurring.

keep the lines of communication open at all times with everyone involved. be honest with yourself about your ability to have good boundaries, and clarity about what is appropriate in a friendship and your relationship. there are differences. as long as everything is out in the open and with appropriate ground rules, friendships with the opposite sex are possible.

from my point of view, you can befriend with anyone you want, anyone you like. as long as you know the limits. you people should have boundaries you knowww. haha. its as simple as that!
tapayahh la nak pegi list down sume benda alah ni!
heh. keng. :P

No comments