pemergiannya dirasa

on the last 13th december 2008,
my dearest grandmother, Aishah binti Chat passed away.

after a few months lawan sakit yang dia hidapi.
after a few months terlantar atas katil.
after a few months keluar masuk hospital, dari wad biasa ke wad HDU sampai masuk wad CCU.
after a few months Allah uji dia di dunia.
akhirnya, dia pergi atas kehendak-Nya.
paling menyedihkan, she left a day before kenduri abang wan, which was on the 14th.
we're all in Perlis tolong serba-serbi untuk persiapan kenduri tu.
tiba², tok chah pergi masa kenduri sebelah pihak perempuan berlangsung.
everything tergendala. daripada ramai yang akan pegi, bawak hantaran sume,
jadi sikit, sebab semua nak uruskan jenazah tok nanti.

the moment i heard the news, terkejut. seriously terkejut.
tak terkata apa. suasana dalam rumah tok di Alor Sena masa tu sunyi sepi.
tak dengar bunyi apa pun except suara orang bercakap la.
my aunty, Maksu Ta was crying. so was Kak Ifa, my cousin.
i couldnt bear to see them cry. i went downstairs. sat alone in one corner.
there, i let everything go. menangis sepuas-puasnya.

i closed my eyes. & there. the flashback starts.
i remember when it was Hari Raya Puasa, we'd celebrate it together in Perlis.
the moment we arrived at her home from Subang Jaya,
we would shook her hand & give her a kiss on the cheek.
i remember when it was Hari Raya Puasa few years back,
tok chah would give us duit raya, from the money her children gave her.
i remember the look on her face when everyone get together during raya.
she looked so happy.
i remember when my grandfather passed away a year ago,
she cried. she cried while kissing him for the last time.
someone had to pull her wheelchair because she's not strong enough to walk.
i remember when my brother & i had to listen to her lecturing us few years ago.
how we hate that moment & wished we could run so that we dont have to listen to her.
but now, now, how we missed to listen to her words, her wise advice on everything.

i still remember her laugh. i still remember her smile. i still remember her smell.
i still remember everything about her.
how she loved to play with her baby grandson.
how she loved to laugh just by watching her grandsons play around the house.

she was born in 1918.
Allah panjangkan umur dia sampai 90 tahun.
Allah panjangkan umur dia untuk tengok cucu² dia membesar.
Allah panjangkan umur dia untuk tengok cicit² dia masuk Universiti.
Allah sihatkan tubuh badan dia sampai 90 tahun. 90 tahun.
tapi betullah kata mereka. Allah lebih sayangkan dia.
Allah ambil tok chah dulu.

tok chah selamat dikuburkan dekat dengan kubur chak (my late grandfather).
tempat tu dekat je dengan rumah dekat Alor Sena, Perlis.
ramai orang sayangkan dia. masa nak sembahyang jenazah, sampai 3 kali sembahyang.
ramai orang nak berikan penghormatan terakhir dekat dia.
sedihnya, that time i was having my period.
if tak, sure dah join sekali. terkilannya. :(

masa jenazah tok chah ada dekat rumah, orang ramai datang melawat.

the moment i looked at her, tears fell down onto my cheeks once again.
sekujur tubuhnya terbaring kaku atas katil.
semuanya kaku. no movement at all. pilunya hati tengok keadaan dia macam tu.
the moment i kissed her for the last time before dia dikapankan,
sejuknya rasa. sejuk sangat badan tok chah.

sebelum tu, her grandsons, semua ribakan dia masa mandi jenazah.
my brother, Syafirul pun turut serta.
ramai, i think ada around 7 orang yang lunjurkan kaki untuk ribakan dia.
tok chah dibaringkan atas kaki diorang.
then yang lain semua tolong mandikan dia, including my mom & my aunties.
ada jugak a few other people, tapi tak kenal sapa.

masa nak dikapankan, sedih sangat rasa.
i looked at her sepuas-puasnya sebab lepas ni takde lagi da chance tu.
i kissed her again, & this time, its final.
they said, air mata tak boleh kena muka dia. i dont know why.
ada a few relatives yang tak sempat nak sampai untuk tengok tok chah for the last time.
sedihnya if i were them. :/

lepas dah habis kapankan tu, diorang masukkan dalam keranda, untuk disembahyangkan.
yeah. macam diberitahu tadi, 3 kali diorang sembahyangkan dia.
then jenazah tok chah dibawak ke tanah perkuburan yang i cant remember apa nama. *sighs
mula-mula mommy said nak jalan pegi sana, tengok² dia pun ikut naik van jenazah tu.
nasib baik ada tempat duduk kosong dekat depan sebelah pemandu.
apa lagi. naik la. first time naik van jenazah in my whole life.

bila dah selamat dikuburkan, everyone pun bergerak balik.
a few metres away dari kubur tok chah, baru a few steps berjalan,
for some reason, i cant seem to recall why, but i was laughing.
terlanggar apa tah. then kak ifa marah, "hei. jangan gelak². tok chah tengah kena soal dalam kubur tu. gelak² pulak."
senyap terus.

sampai rumah, suasana memang senyap lah.
semua still terkenangkan arwah tok chah.
hm.

now, dah 10 hari lepas pemergiannya.
semoga arwah tok chah ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yang beriman.
semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atasnya.
semoga arwah tok chah tenang dalam kubur.
Al-Fatihah.

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