it feels like a thousand years

yesterday, after what had happened early in the morning,
i mean, tak de la morning, around 12 to 3am cmtu.
i still go to school.
totally not feeling myself. but i have to.
or else kena bebel thp mega dgn abah & mak.

in school, i didnt talk to anyone.
not at all. sampai la after recess.
saya pencilkan diri daripada mereka semua.
i didnt feel like talking to them.
i need my moment alone.
so, yeah.

they looked at me in the eyes with full of questions.
i fake a smile. they asked me, "nana are u okay?", i nodded.
"nana, kenapa ni? muram je?" & etc.
i fake a smile & said nothing.

i had a rough morning yesterday.
it affects me in soooo many ways.
this & that & everything.
i cant do anything right.
my mind was not there.
what had happened at 2am that morning kept on repeating in my mind.
every single thing. mcm, flash back balik semua benda.
& those words asyik terngiang di telinga.
i cant concentrate on anything.

until after recess, baru everything back to normal.
because just before that, i went to toilet & cried my heart out.
lama saya berada di tandas. after da lepas semua, da lega menangis,
i went upstairs & continue doing my work.
it was recess then. bertugas kat koperasi.
with fyna syahir & zhafir. they know nothing.
but they were able to cheer me up.

i managed to laugh. though tak semuanya happy.
but yeah, mood saya mula berubah.
i started to talk to fyna. to izzat. to hariz.
to syahir & zhafir. tu pn only because they talked to me.
for me to start a conversation, belum boleh lagi masa tu.
i still didnt have the strength.

later, after recess.
i asked fyna, "fyna can i tell u something?"
this was the first word that came out of my mouth to her that day.
blablabla this & that.
i told her what happened. she was the first to know. & no one else.
i didnt wanna tell the others because i was still not sure whether it was really happening. & im not sure about my decision. i thought, maybe, just maybe, someway somehow i can change it. idk.
she was suprised. REALLY suprised.

the moment my mouth started talking, the same time tears fell down on my cheeks.
i cried again. this time, in front of her.
it took me a while to calm myself down.
so yeah. she knows.
the first one to know. from my mouth.

i continue doing my work after that.
que came to us. we talked, we laugh, we joke.
im okay again.

school's out. returned home.
omg. dont get me started what happened at home.
enough until here. :]

No comments